Poor Man took Rosemary and her friends camping
But, he isn't skilled himself, so he lied about everything
And misread a camping book, destroying all their food and shelter
So the kids went to look for food and shelter...
BUT NEVER CAME BACK!
And now Rosemary is starting to lose faith in her uncle
Poor Man is in deep
"Yea yea, I know I"m in trouble, don't need to remind everyone, they saw the first part!".
Oh, well, somebody's cranky today, but little does he know
That there is a monster roaming around the woods
Can he defeat this monster because of his luck he'll most likely run into it.
I don't know!
Poor Man is running around the, well, what was the camp site, panicking. "Oh my goodness I can see the lawsuits, I can see the beat ups, I'm doomed!", shouted Poor Man.
"Don't worry uncle, you got a plan, you always got a plan", reassured Rosemary.
"Well, uh, first I need three pieces of bark from a red oak, and a dead pigeon".
"Uh, three pieces of bark, pigeon, bark, pigeon, bark, pigeon...", thought Poor Man, "I don't know! I'm a loser!".
"But, you got a plan when a giant boulder was rolling after you", reminded Rosemary.
"That was all a lie!", admitted Poor Mna, "It was all a lie! I'm a lie! Everything is a lie! My mom is a lie! My dad is a lie! My kidney is a lie! Life is even a lie! It's all an illusion, synonym to, well, LIE!".
"You mean all those stories, was a lie?".
"Oh, how did you guess?", asked Poor Man.
Rosemary then stood up and started cornering Poor Man through the woods. "So all of those stories you told me ever since I was born! Everything a lie! When you helped a bunch of chickens escape from a farm, how you became a country singer! Everything false!?".
"Well, no, the country part was true, I even got my own album".
We're sing songers
We always stick together
We are birds of a feather
We are sing songers
I was driving on a dirt road with my pick up truck
I was drunk with my ice cold beer
I crashed and my hound dog died
And that's why my wife divorced me
We're sing songers!
"Yea, I was a one hit wonder", admitted Poor Man.
"And now you tricked us into going to the Amazon with an unexperienced dope!", nagged Rosemary, "And you cared too much about your self essteemed butt to care about our lives!".
But, all Poor Man heard was, "Blah blah blah blah blah".
Soon, Rosemary figured that out, and got so angry she tackled him, but, the bush behind Poor Man was revealed to be the end of a cliff! The two were tumbling down the hill, and they both landed on a big piece of wood, and the two were sliding down the cliff of death! "Great! Because of you now all of us are going to be left dead in the jungles of Peru!".
"Can you save the blah blah blahs!?", asked Poor Man, "Lean to the left".
"I want to lean to the right!".
"Fine! Lean to the right!".
"Now I want to lean to the left, why should I listen to you, you don't know as much camping trivia as David does in his sleep!".
"Curse him!", shouted Poor Man, "Just listen to me before we crash into that giant rock!".
"Oh, you sure this will work?", asked Rose.
"What could be worse than crashing into a giant rock!?".
"You got a point! Lean!".
So the two drove the bark to the left, but after going through a few bushes they fell off another cliff! This time into a river! "Ok, that can be worse that crashing into a giant rock", noted Poor Man before they fell in the river.
In the river, there is no life. All except one or two fish, ther is no algea, not even any seeweed or leeches! All there is was a piece of bark. Wait... something is coming up... IT'S POOR MAN AND ROSEMARY! THEY'RE ALIVE... for now! "Great, now because of your lack of knowledge, selfish mind, and dumb idea now we're stranded in the middle of a river!".
"Well, maybe we can....".
"Will you pull your head out of your... look, bass!".
"I think it's pronoucned".
"No, bass, I got string in my backpack, we can tie it around the fish and use it to guide us to land!", explianed Rosemary as she tied it around the fish, "I would ask for help but I'm better off doing it by myself!".
So, she tied it around the fish and now it's like a horse charriot. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to beleive those stories!", shouted Rosemary, "Everything a lie! What do you have to say for yourslef Poor Man if that's really your name!".
"Well, look, I may not know much about camping, or not know much period, but that doesn't mean I'm going to break my promise of making this the best camp ever! Word from your uncle!".
"Well, you're not my uncle anymore!", shouted Rosemary, "And I never want to be in the same family as you again! By genetics I may be disgraced enough to be in the same bloodline as you, but here pretend you don't even know me, word from me!".
"Wow, puberty!", mumbled Poor Man hurt, "This would've been a good time to switch my mind to blah blah blah".
So, the two sat in silence for a few minutes, which turned into hours. Rosemary filled with hate, and Poor Man filled with grief. "Wow hours, this is a long river!", noted Poor Man, but when he looked down, the bass died! "Never mind, our fish died! Must be the dirty river! Now we're in the mercy of the wind huh?".
"Dont talk to me", mumbled Rosemary.
"Well...", said Poor Man, "It doesn't matter if you hate me forever, and even if you would cheer the day I die, I still will love you, and I want you to know that. I know I deserve it, but I did this all for you".
So, the two slowly drifted, waiting for land. When suddenly, they felt a thud. When they looked down, the river finally brought them back to actual earth! "Woo hoo, land!", cheered Poor Man as he kissed the sand, but then he spit it out, "Ew, cow patty!".
Just then the two noticed foot prints, shoe prints! "Hey, maybe it's the kids! I'll go follow it!", said Rosemary.
"Oh no, whenether you hate me or not, I'm going with you!", shouted Poor Man.
"Look, I'd rather die then stick with you any longer!", shouted Rosemary as she walked away, leaving Poor Man behind.
"Well, that's harsh", thought Poor Man, "I wonder what people do while stranded in the middle of the Amazon? I know, maybe they count all of the grains of sand! One, two, three, four, uh, I lost count. One two three, uh, one two...".
So, Rosemary followed the foot prints eager to find her friends alive, and the trail finally lead her to a cabin. But, then things started getting dizzy, and before she could check the cabin out, she passed out.
"One thousand three hundred sixty five, one thousand three hundred sixty..., dang it! One two three", counted Poor Man, but while he was digging through the sand, he found an artifact. A pot, but when he examined it, all there was is a message of family. He then threw it aside and continued counting, "One two, hating this, four".
Meanwhile, Rosemary woke up in a bed right by a fire. "Uh, where am I? Am I dead?", asked Rosemary.
Just then a man with a hook for a hand appeared and replied, "No, you're in me cabin. You passed out due to dehydration, but do not worry, you are alive! But out there you're as good as dead out there! Because of the mighty Six Claw!".
"What's Six Claw!?".
"Dont say his name, it is a curse of the natives!", shouted the man.
"But you said Six Claw first?", asked Rosemary.
"Ok, ok, now I got to get out, my friends are somewhere out there and I got to find them!", said Rosemary.
"Not if you want your skull part of the bear's collection, that might be where you find your friends! Of course you still may have time, he never kills a man or woman immediately".
"What do you mean?", asked Rose.
"He never, oh, I mean he always brings his victims into his dwelling, Maccu Picchu! An old and abandoned incan city in the very apex of one of the mountains! People say he's the reason the incans left, he kept killing them!", explained the Man, "Then, he kills and eats them, and adds their bones to his collecting for where he sleeps!".
"Ew, bones are so last season, and now I'm turning into Cherry", said Rosemary, "Well, I'm finding my friends!".
"Ok, but keep in mind, I used ot have a hand where this hook is, till Six Claw tore it off! Man, that was a bad Monday", noted the Man, "Good luck, your funeral, wait, there is no funeral, they'll never find you!".
He then laughed, and Rosemary took the opputunity to steal some of his food and water and sneaked out. "That should get me by for a few days, now to trek the mountain, find the city, and rescue my friends", plotted Rosemary, but then she stopped her tracks, "But, maybe I've been to tough on Poor Man, I don't know, maybe I should go look for him".
Just then lightning struck around her area and caught the forest on fire. "Yea, in second thought, they got more to live for", said Rosemary as she hiked the mountain.
It took a while, but she finally made it to Macchu Picchu! "Great, now to look for the bear", said Rosemary to herself, but when she turned around, she found an eight feet bear with one dead eye and a hand with an extra claw, staring right at her, "Oh, well, I problably should've thought of a plan first".
The bear then chased her around Macchu Picchu. But, a bear being faster than an average human, it caught her in a few minutes. "Let go of me!", shouted Rosemary, "Help!".
But, nothing came ot her aid, and the bear pushed her in his piles of bones. "Oh no, I don't see them, I'm too late", thought Rosemary, jus then James popped out and said, "Rose! We're alive!", before the kids shouted, "Shut Up!" and pulled him right down.
The bear then noticed the noise and started tearing apart his piles of bones, but Rosemary reached inside her bag and pulled out a pocket knife, which she used to stop Six Claw's rampage. "Good, now step away from my friends", demanded Rosemary, now with a plan.
"She's going to lure him to the cliff", noted Carl.
"Thank you Captain Obvious", said Cherry.
"You're welcome", replied Carl.
"Well, we got to help her", said James, so the three came and helped push the bear back.
Soon, they all were at the cliff. "Well, you came to save us", said James.
"Yes, I did", replied Rosemary.
James, who couldn't help himself, hugged Rosemary, and the suprise caused her to drop the knife off the cliff. "Oh, we're going to so get totally mained now", said Cherry.
Six Claw nodded in agreement and started coming towards them. But, hope came when Poor Man suddenly charged from a far right at the bear. But, due to Six Claw's beefy strength, Poor Man just ran into him and fell down. "Ok, that hurt, I thought that would work better", said Poor Man to himself.
Six Claw got angrier and he was about to strike at Poor Man with his six clawed paw. "Oh, please don't hurt me, you can have Cherry", said Poor Man.
"Hey! You're no fun either", snapped Cherry.
Six Claw was not interested. "Please, with a cherry on top? Oh, this is all my fault, I should be it, you guys run while he's eating me!", cried Poor Man, "Wait, this is all because of this stupid book!".
He then pulled out the book. "Stupid book!", Poor Man shouted as he threw it, which landed right at Six Claw's head, causing him to fall off the cliff and to his death.
"Oh, well, good book", replied Poor Man, "Kids! You're all ok!".
They all then grouped hugged, except for Cherry, who smacked him in the face. "Please with a cherry on top my perfectly tanned butt!".
"Ew", said Poor Man to himself.
"And now, we can enjoy the Amazon", said Rosemary.
"Oh no we don't!", shouted Poor Man, "We are going home, this place is a death trap!".
So, the two went to the airport as soon as possible and went back to Atlanta to drop of the kids. In the plane, Poor man was thinking back at the day.
"Wow, now I know why she respected David so much, he is better than me", said Poor Man, "But I still curse him".
Just then Rosemary popped up. "Well, you are and always will be the best camp instructor and the best uncle there is".
"Aw, that's sweet", said Poor Man, "But, I'm not done cursing David ok".
So, Rosemary went back to her seat by James, then out of no where, she kissed him on the cheek. "What, unexpected, got you back", said Rosmeary before James fainted.
Carl then stared at Cherry. "Get lost dog breath", snapped Cherry, "Still got it".
So, the plane landed and Poor man borrowed a car from the airport to drop all the kids from their homes, lastly Rosemary. So he knocked on the door to greet Richard, or Richy. "Hey, Poor Man, how is it cruising, sitll got that waffle thing going on".
"No, it slowly turned into a life changing obsession which turned me into a manaic", replied Poor Man, "So, how's the family".
"How's the job".
"How's your mistakes?".
"I really do hate you".
So, Rosemary went inside the house. "Thanks for the, uh, interesting time Poor Man, I'll be sure to visit more often".
"Thanks Rose, and be sure to remind your father to give me a few weeks in advance ok", said Poor Man, "Bye guys, see you in the P-mails".
So, he returned the car and got on a plane home. He sat in his seat which was right by another guy. "Why hello, what's your name kind sir?".
"Oh, my name is David, camp instructor", introduced the guy, leaving Poor Man with a shocked expression on his face.