It all started with the Greeks, inventing the Olympics centuries ago. As time went on, countries have also done the Olympics and added new events to them. 500 yard dashes, Bean Bag tosses, and now, in a distant island called Power Island; they have a new tournament with new sporting events… and that is, The Buttercup Tournament!!!!! Don’t laugh! The inhabitants of Power Island have been competing in the Buttercups for many, who am I kidding, this is the first time. Now, watch as we see the first of a whole new history of sporting events flourish at the very beginning… now, who’s that contestant over there… man, this can’t be right. Poor Man!? We’re doomed!
At the Tournament
The host, the General, stood on the podium and said, “HELLO PEOPLE, YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY I’M SCREAMING AT THE MIKE! THAT’S BECAUSE I HAVE A STRANGE WIRE IN MY BRAIN THAT CAUSES ME TO SCREAM EVERYTHING I SAY! SO, WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL BUTTERCUP TOURNAMENT, NOW, UHH… JUST STARE AT THE SHINY TROPHY WHILE I THINK OF SOMETHING TO SCREAM!”.
Everybody then looks at the trophy, and noticed the large size and the illuminating gold. “THIS IS WORTH MORE THAN WHAT YOU’LL EVER OWN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIVES, IT’LL COST MORE THAN YOUR CHILDREN!”.
Then Poor Man raised his hand and asked, “Umm… Mr. General sir, why does it say made in china on the stem?”.
“Uhhh”, pondered the General, “DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY SOILDER!”.
“But, I work in the Computer side of the Power Island Military, I’m not technically classified as ‘solider’”, explained Poor Man.
“DROP OR I’LL DROP YOUR KNEES FOR YOU!”, shouted the General.
“Ah!”, shouted Poor Man, “Please, anything but the Or, dropping, I’m dropping!”
“CHEST TO THE GROUND EXTENSIVE NERDY SOILDER!”, shouted the General, “NOW, GET READY FOR THE FIRST EVENT! HERE AT GRIFFIN’S PARK EACH TEAM IS GOING TO ROAM AROUND THE STREETS AND CLEAN THE TRASH! THE TEAM WHO COLLECTS THE MOST TRASH IN 30 MINUTES WINS!”.
“And you just don’t want to hire people the clean the litter and you won’t do it yourself so you got a bunch of suckers with nothing else to do together to do the job for you”, said Rabbit King.
“POSITIVE TALKING BUNNY WHO REMINDS ME OF MY UNCLE!”.
“Ok, fine, save $100 and just spend about $5000 or more on a quality gold trophy and even more for whatever is inside”, sassed Rabbit King
“Rabbit King, stop talking or he’ll ‘Or’ you”, warned Poor Man.
Then, the general pulled out a gun, which seemed to have scared Rabbit King a bit. “Whoa dude”, stuttered Rabbit King, “Nothing personal”.
But, it turned out to be a flare gun as the General pointed it upwards. “GET READY, GET SET, GO!”, shouted the General as he shot the flare gun, but all the teams just walked.
Snake King slithered towards Rabbit King. “Ok, teammate, I thought I found a bunch of trash around the Great Turtle Memorial, but we better hurry, we’re not the only team and there are only plenty of trash to come around”.
“Oh, my green paranoid little spaghetti friend, no need to worry, we’re up against Panda King and Poor Man”, assured Rabbit King, “Plus, I packed a few energy bars; we got plenty of wrapper to go to us”.
Panda King then watched Rabbit King and Snake King’s power team in horror, because he was stuck with Poor Man. “Oh, how did I get stuck with you anyway”, complained panda King.
“Oh, don’t you remember, it all started in the Power Meadows this morning when we were out looking for plants to make tea out of”, explained Poor Man.
“Yes, Poor Man, I know, I was there”, said Panda King, “That was a Rhetorical Question”.
Then Poor Man pulled out a bucket. “Here you go, but please, keep it inside the bucket”, instructed Poor Man, “It was a mildly windy yet pretty sunny day, like today”.
“Here we go”, said Panda King.
At that morning in the Power Meadows, Poor Man and the gang were looking for plants to make a hot fresh cup of tea. “Why are we even doing this”, complained Poor Man, “We’re men, we should be doing manly things, like, ooh”. Poor Man then noticed a butterfly, and as he pulled out his butterfly net, he said, “Come to papa”.
“He’s not very smart is he”, noted Snake King.
“You think?”, asked Rabbit King.
Just then a flyer flew at Panda King’s face. “Ummm… dancing chocolates?”, guessed Panda King through the flyer, but as he got a further look at the flyer, he read, “The First Annual Buttercup Tournament, Fight for the butter because your toast, sign up now, warning, we are not responsible for injuries or deaths that may occur, $50 fee, bring your own loafer”.
“Hey, we should sign up, on the back it says there is a giant prize… a gold trophy with something yellow inside… looks like gold!”, adored Snake King, “Gold, gold, my precious”.
Then Snake King glanced slowly at Rabbit King, then quickly said, “I call Rabbit King!”.
“Well, you’re a little annoying but better than…”, Rabbit King noticed Snake King’s look of disdain, and since it’s possible he may have a little venom, he quickly switched to saying, “So, Panda King, good luck with…”.
He was thinking of what to say when Poor Man passed by and stocked the butterfly which landed on the side of a hill like a lion to its, prey, but when he pounced, the butterfly flew away and he fell off the hill. “That”, finished Rabbit King.
“No, this isn’t fair this isn’t fair this isn’t fair! There has to be something I can do, please, let me have Rabbit King, I’ll do anything”, begged Panda King, “I’ll conquer Russia for you, I’ll pass you a kidney stone, I’ll give you my pack of eggrolls, ok, that’s too far, but please! You’ll never know when you’ll need an organ!”.
“Sorry, you’re on your own”, concluded Snake King, “But I will get you some scissors”.
“For what?”, asked Panda King, but then he noticed Poor Man walking up with his head stuck in his own butterfly net.
“So, what did I miss?”, asked Poor Man.
Now, back to the present time, Poor Man finished his story and Panda King was lying on the floor. “Good story, very good, but one problem”, said Panda King, “While you were blabbering on about the story we all know, we ran out of time to do the Trash Pick Up, and we’ll be out of time in 3, 2”.
“TIME’S UP!”, shouted the General in a megaphone, “NOW FOR THE PP POWER DUO… HEH HEH, PP, IT’S FUNNY CAUSE I CAN RELATE TO IT!”.
“Ladies, gentlemen, and generals of the court, I present to you… our marvelous collection,”, presented Poor Man, “Please, keep your sounds of amazement to a minimum”.
But, it was just a piece of crinkled up paper, which was the flyer Panda King threw at Poor Man in his frustration. “WOW, NOW THAT IS HARD WORK!”, shouted the General in amazement, “IT’S GOING TO BE HARD TO TOP… HEY, WHO TURNED OUT THE SUN?”.
But in fact, it was trash; in a large pile which so happens to be Rabbit King and Snake King’s collection. The General stared at it, and screamed, “DON’T NEED TO SEE ANYBODY ELSE, WE GOT A WINNER, HEY, WHERE’S THE RIBBON?”.
Then Snake King pulled it out from the pile. “Found it on the floor”, Snake King replied as Rabbit King grabbed the ribbon and pulled out some glue from the pile and then he pasted the ribbon on the pile.
“Congratulations!”, cheered Poor Man, but then Panda King grabbed the crinkled flyer and stuffed it in his mouth.
“OK, NEXT EVENT! WE’RE GOING TO DO A LIVE-ACTION VERSION OF FOOZBALL! BUT, SINCE I ONLY TRIED TWO TEAMS, YOU GUYS, GET OUT OF HERE!”, shouted the General, leaving a bunch of angry people storming away mumbling, “SO, SUIT UP, LET THE BEST TEAM LIVE, OH, I MEAN LIVE, OH, YEA, I MEAN LIVE, GO AHEAD!”.
In the PP Team, Panda King is the guy on the stick while Poor Man controls the lever while at the RS Team, Rabbit King is on the stick and Snake King cranks the lever. So, Panda King said, “Ok, so Poor Man, since you have the longer arms you will be able to control the lever better, and I’ll be on the stick because”.
“You’re fat?”, asked Poor Man.
Panda King sighed, and then he said, “I can leave less room for the ball to go”.
“So, you’re fat”, defined Poor Man.
“OK, SO GET READY, GET SET, GO!”, shouted the General as he shot the flare, but then a bird fell. After that, the General pulled out a trumpet and played an Amazing Grace.
So, Rabbit King served first, so he turned his martial arts to kick the ball like a ball of fire. Panda King then chickened out. “Yelp!”, shouted Panda King, “Get me out of here, right!”.
“Left?”, checked Poor Man, “Ok”.
So, Panda King shifted towards the left and hit the ball. “Ow!”, yelped Panda King, “I said Right!”.
“So, you’re saying I’m right”, said Poor Man.
Rabbit King reflected the ball, and once again, Poor Man messed up the directions and hit the ball. This went on for about 5 hours. Panda King was all black (Well, more black) and blue and almost in tears, and finally he screamed, but the ball went inside his mouth. “Don’t worry, I’m coming to save you!”, announced Poor Man as he hopped on the giant table and caused Panda King to cough out the ball, thus launching the ball towards the opposing team, over the stem, and in the hole, winning the PP team with one point.
“You know how to save choking victims?”, asked Panda King.
“Oh, no, I got some mud on my knee, so I tried wiping it on you, but I messed up the speed”, explained Poor Man.
“Ok, Snake King, we need to get our A game on”, discussed Rabbit King.
“Easy for me, for I have a straight A record at college, but Athletics has never been my strong point, see, I have no arms and legs, and my vision isn’t too bright, and I would wear glasses but I have no ears to hold it up, just holes!”, shouted Snake King, “Do you know how hard it is to be a grass snake, and be best friends with a panda who mistakes your inventions for a Chinese dinner, a rabbit who spends his free time beating up a mad poultry scientist, and a dumb guy who got swept overboard here on Power Island and met us, fact, when he met me he mistaken me for a bug and stepped on me perpetuously… PERPETUOUSLY!”.
But, when he calmed down, he noticed that when he was screaming Poor Man and Panda King heard him. “Um”, pondered Snake King wondering what to do next, “But still like you guys”.
“OK, FINAL CHALLAGNE, SHUT UP EVERYBODY, IT’S RUDE TO SCREAM!”, shouted the General, “THE FINAL CHALLENGE IS HERE, THE SPEED WATER RACING! WITH OUR HIGH TECHNOLIGY CANOES, YOU WILL RACE ACROSS THE GREAT TURTLE STREAM AND RACE TOWARDS THE FINISH LINE, ANYTHING GOES, SO GO AND GET ON, WE’RE ALMOST OUT OF PAPER!”.
So, Rabbit King and Snake King got on the red canoe with the number 7 on it, while on the Poor Man and Panda King side, they got the blue canoe and the number 13. “The number 13, either this is an omen or there’s something I did that makes the world hate me, why does the world hate me?”, complained Panda King.
“Maybe it’s both”, replied Poor Man.
Panda King glared at him, then said, “Look, don’t touch anything, don’t do anything, don’t even breathe anything, no talking, singing, don’t even look at me, understand!”.
“Um, I got a few questions but if I can’t say anything how can I ask them?”, asked Poor Man.
When the race started, Poor Man was all tied up on the back and Panda King was starting the boat, but disturbed by the number, he turned it around hoping to make 31, but it fell back to 13. “Ok, I’m so”. Then a car beeped. “Tired of this” Then Rabbit King and Snake King’s boat started up their boat. “Game and my”. A pelican then squawked. “Partner”
“OK, GET READY, GET…”.
“We know how it goes just fire the flare!”, screamed Panda King.
“OK, OK, NO NEED TO YELL!”, nagged the General as he shot the flare.
Then the boats are off, but Panda King had a plan. “Ha ha, I tied a string around the end of their boat so as they go, we go too, I’m a Mediocre!”, cheered Panda King.
But, then when the flare landed, it fell in the stream and cut the string. Panda King wasn’t too shaken by this though. “Oh, my life is a living”, complained Panda King.
“HELLO!”, yelled the General mockingly, “THE RACE BEGUN, GET OUT THERE AND, I DON’T KNOW, RACE!”.
With a look of disdain, Panda King finally started moving forward. But, due to the delay he’s behind by 142 yards, but he noticed a shortcut, but it’s inhabited by sharp rocks. “We’re going in!”, shouted Panda King.
Poor Man then chewed up the rope around his mouth and he screamed, “Are you crazy-er then usual”.
On the other side of the short cut, there were a few parts of the boat missing, but it’s still working perfectly fine. They are now on par with Rabbit King’s team. “Fire the bombs!”, commanded Panda King.
By that time Poor Man chewed his way out of the ropes that hadn’t been cut by the rocks and he cranked a lever, which shot a bomb at the other team. “Baseball bat!”, shouted Rabbit King.
“Ok”, replied Snake King as he yanked the lever, “But you could ask nicely”.
Then a baseball bat went from the back and hit the bomb, sending it far away, meanwhile, at Chicken lair, he was working on a mini statue of himself. “Yes, finally!”, cheered Chicken, “I’ve spend 7 years and 3 months, but I finally finished the model of my statue that shall be presented in my glory, my life’s complete, I’m done with evil, I love life!”.
Just then the bomb shot through the walls and hit the statue, and after it went to the next room, it blew up, blowing the statues to smithereens. Chicken just put the pick back in his pick holder, stood up, and walked out. Back to the race, the PP Team is in the lead, no, the RS, no, the PP, no, the RS! It’s the race of the age! “That’s it, let’s finish them!”, shouted Rabbit King as he yanked a lever.
Then, a saw came out from the side and started cutting the PP boat. “Ok, I think this game is going to far!”, shouted a frightened Poor Man with the saw right in front of him, but the saw just went far enough to cut the engine and the PP boat started to break down and stop.
“Well, we’re done for, let’s eat our lunch now”, promoted Poor Man.
“No, not yet, because I thought of a Plan C”, said Panda King, “In the back of the boat I set up some cans of soda that’ll give us a boost, now I just got to go there and access the, where are the cans!?”.
Just then he noticed a droopy Poor Man with his belly round and a bunch of empty cans of soda around him. “Oh”, said a satisfied Poor Man, “You wanted one”.
After that statement, a burp followed. That gave Panda King an idea. He then picked up Poor Man. “What are you doing! Let go of me, I’m sorry I didn’t leave some for you!”, cried Poor Man.
Then, Panda King shook Poor Man and held him underwater, and then Poor Man burped underwater, acting as an engine. They were moving like the wind till they were on par with the RS team, then they went beyond! But, Poor Man was starting to run out of burp and they were just a few yards from the finish line. The RS team was at full speed behind them. “The ores!”, noticed Poor Man, “Let’s use the ores!”.
So, Panda King and Poor Man were rowing the boat as fast as they can, and when they were a few inches from the finish line they were right beside Rabbit King and Snake King, but Poor Man accidently hit a button on the RS boat, causing them to go backwards! Panda King and Poor Man finally won the first annual Buttercup Tournament! The General handed the joyful duo their trophy and instructed them to look inside, but when they looked inside, they saw something yellow, but it wasn’t gold. It was butter! “I can’t believe it”, shouted Poor Man, “Yahoo! A free supply of butter, I can save money to buy more waffles and use this butter on it! It’s a win, win situation!”.
So, a happy Poor Man ran home with the trophy, and most importantly, the butter, leaving a shocked Panda King disappointed in what they spent all this day chasing after the whole time was something they could’ve found in the Market! Snake King and Rabbit King then watched from a far, and Rabbit King commented, “The whole time, we were after a dairy product”.
“Man, this is junior high all over again”, replied Snake King.
Panda King then went from a shocked expression to a smile, and commented, “He’s not very smart is he”.
We’re going back to old fashioned Black and White