(In the point of Poor Man). There was barely a wind in the sky, and barely a cloud in the sky. It seems like there's no color in the sky, which there isn't. I don't know, it's probably a detective thing. Anyway, the sky was still blue, or was it, I don't know, who is to tell? Ok, back on track, I sat on my chair, thinking. Thinking on what a mess humanity is. Maybe dogs, cats, horses, may look down on us, for they have a more organized community then we do. I guess we can all say we are still no different from how we were as nomads living in caves. And I just realized all this week. It all started in school, yea 28 years and I'm still in school, I'm an idiot. So, I was following the wave of people, not aware of the most horrible realization that's waiting for me.
Poor Man got knocked down by the stampede of kids. "Ow! Meanies!", shouted Poor Man, "Boy, they're pushy for high schoolers. Wow, I just realized I'm a 28 year old in high school. This is the most horrible realization I ever had!".
Just wait buddy.
"WHO SAID THAT!?", shouted Poor Man, "Hey look, a crowd. I think I'm going to dive into it again".
Poor Man got through the crowd to find the principle standing on a crate. "Hello, everybody listen up, we got complaints from parents saying that we don't challenge you people enough and because of that you guys are stuck living in a world of video games and texting", explained the principle, "So, to avoid losing money, we have a contest to test your minds".
Everybody then left except for Poor Man who was down on the ground again. "I'm so in pain", moaned Poor Man.
"Quick, before he gets up", whispered a teacher beside him.
"Ok, so, we're having a detective contest. Who ever can identify the infamous mystery meat of the Orange Academy cafeteria will win, uh, twenty five cents!".
"I got to have that money, you can count on me!", exclaimed Poor Man as he ran away.
"Can't say I didn't try", said the Principle, "Headmaster can't fire me now".
So, Poor Man got in a detective outfit and entered the cafeteria. Everybody stared at him as he walked by the hall. "Yea, I know, I look good in a big coat", gloated Poor Man.
He waited in line and confronted the lunch lady. "What do you want Man Poor".
"It's Poor Man, detective", corrected Poor Man.
"Ok Man Poor detective, I've been experimenting in the lab, would you like to try the new dish?".
Poor Man looked down, to see a moving lump of sauce and chocolate. "No thanks, I bought home lunch, anyway".
"No next!", shouted Poor Man, "You are not next, just stay and wait like a normal person!".
"Says the guy in a detective outfit pushing everyone out so he can get in front!", shouted a guy.
"Thank you, I love you too", replied Poor Man, "I'm going to make this simple, what's in the mystery meat?".
"The hundredth customer".
Poor Man scribbled something on his notebook. "No, don't write that!", shouted the lunch lady, "It's a secret. It's called mystery meat for a reason dumbbell, and you're still writing down what ever I say".
"No", answered Poor Man, "How do you spell dumbbell?".
"Ok, ok, I'm leaving", said Poor Man, "I know where you keep your recipe anyway".
"Wait, what?", asked the lunch lady, "GO AWAY MUNCHKINS! I'M CLOSED!".
The lunch lady then closed the desk. "Great, what are we going to eat now?", asked a student.
"Should've bought home lunch", replied Poor Man, "And I'm going to get out of here before you find something sharp to throw at me".
Poor Man then ran out of the cafeteria and looked at a side window. Luckily, the window was open. He saw the lunch lady pull a golden spatula, and a safe popped out from the ground. "Can't believe that idiot figured out where I hid the mystery meat recipe", mumbled the lunch lady, "Well, I better bury it in the pipe system".
"That's where she's going to relocate them", mumbled Poor Man, "And people call me dumb. Evil laugh. MWA HA HA HA HA! Ow, my tonsils, how does Chicken do it".
So, that night Poor Man dressed in black. "What are you doing?", asked Sharky.
"Sneaking in my school".
"Really? Usually you sneak out of school".
"Well, I need to figure out the recipe of the mystery meat so I can win twenty five cents".
"Ok, I guess you can buy a gum ball or a cheap toy from a dispenser", replied Sharky.
"You know no one likes you right?".
"I like him", cheered Elephant, "Justin Bieber gets too much hate you know".
"You know, as your guardian angel, I feel as though I should forbid it. You know, mortal danger and all of that smooth jazz", explained Sharky.
"Relax, its not a school night", assured Poor Man, "I only go every Tuesday. Oh, and Sundays".
"There's no school on Sunday".
"Exactly, bye bye now", said Poor Man as he jumped out of the window, "OW! That was stupid!".
"We got stairs for a reason!", shouted Sharky.
"Yes, they're for my slinky".
"No body likes you!", shouted Sharky.
"Do I look like Justin Bieber to you?".
Ok, so while Sharky and Elephant bicker like an old married couple (In a boxing ring) Poor Man snuck to school grounds, and broke open the walls with a shovel. "It's weird there's no one to guard the place".
So, Poor Man spent hours, diving through the pipes, filled with moss, dust, bugs, and some substance not supposed to be discovered by man yet. He broke pipes, looked inside them, crawled through the floor, all while the room was starting to flood. "Where's the recipe?", cried Poor Man, "I need to find it!".
Poor Man then grabbed the shovel and broke through the tile floor. "It's under the floor! I will find it!".
Poor Man broke up the whole floor, and even dug a few feet, but all he created was a dirty swimming pool. "THE WALLS!".
Poor Man broke open the walls, and finally found a bottle with a piece of paper inside". "I DID IT CHEREN, I HAVE THE FORMULA TO THE KRABBY PATTY!".
Poor Man popped the bottle open, and read the note. It said.
One Spoon full of Dirty Diapers
And a pinch of...
Dude, do you think I'm an idiot?
I knew a dumbbell (btw, that's how you spell it) like you couldn't figure out where I hid the recipe on his own.
And I knew you followed me to see where I would hide it.
I give you credit, that's not quite as dumb as your other ideas
Seriously, you got a D on lunch for a reason
Anyway, I hid this note in the sewer system, knowing you'd break in.
You tried to play dirty, so I decided to make you play dirty literally!
Yea, don't mess with the lunch lady
Or you dig in the curry!
Good thing you weren't looking for that recipe.
The Lunch Lady.
P.S. I hate you
"Well, why don't you kick me in the face!?".
Just then, a boot came flying out of the wall and knocked Poor Man to the ground. There was a note attatched to it, "That's the cherry on top".
Poor Man came home with moss growing on his shirt and a black eye. Mele and Chomper looked up to see their master, and went outside because of the smell. "I officially hate life right now", mumbled Poor Man, "Ok, if she knew I knew where the original spot is, so she must've moved it elsewhere. But, I'm not going to dig like this again, but I know someone who can dig for me. Because, I'm finding that recipe, money or no money. But, money would be nice".
Just then he heard noises coming from the garage. He opened it to find the zebra gangsters moving in. "My god man, you reek!", cried the chief, "We didn't steal your bathtub!".
"What are you doing here".
"Oh, we stole your car and sold it anyway, so we decided to use your garage as our new lair. Because it's indoors, air conditioning, and the fuzz won't look for us inside a hobo man's car storage".
"Fine, but I need your assistance", requested Poor Man, "I got treasure I need you guys to find, so pretty much, the recipe to my school's mystery meat".
"What's in it for us?", asked the chief.
"I'll give you the prize", replied Poor Man.
"Deal, so here's how it works. The boys shovel up the field while I help myself to the grub".
"Yea!", cheered Doug, "Wait, what?".
"Ok, and I'll be outside the school for the exchange", said Poor Man.
"Ok, yea, go team!", shouted the chief, "You know, it seems like we help you more than we rob you".
"Yea, you want to punch me in the face to make it even, heh heh", laughed Poor Man, "Wait! I didn't mean it, I was joking!".
It was morning, Poor Man got on his post, now with two black eyes. The Zebra grunts dug through the entire school campus, and all of the students and teachers hid safely in a big tree. "I didn't find the recipe, but I think I found a giant diamond".
"Ditch it, they only want the recipe!", shouted Isaac, "C'mon! Move it! Move it! Movie it!".
"Who put you second in command?", asked Doug.
"Who put me second in command?", asked Isaac.
"Exactly, so I'm second in command, dig monkey".
Meanwhile, the chief was trying to eat coleslaw, and liked it, till it roared like a lion. The lunch lady came in. "Hey, a zebra! Get out of my kitchen!".
The lunch lady then drew out a spatula and waved it around. "Heh, a spatula isn't going to hurt me".
She then swat the chief in the face. "Ow! What is that thing made of, metal!?".
"Oh, I'm a dumbbell, this is a new low".
The chief then drew out a golden spatula, but it wouldn't go out. Instead, a safe popped open from the floor. "Wow, the recipe is in there isn't it?".
"Never relocated it".
"It's harder that way", moaned the lunch lady.
The chief then managed to yank out the golden spatula, and a light shun on him, as if he threw out the sword out of the stone. "We duel for the recipe. Who ever falls loses the recipe".
The chief and the lunch lady then clashed their spatulas, but I guess gold is harder than metal, because the lunch lady's spatula got knocked right out of her hand. "Surrender the mystery meat".
"You want it, you can have it!".
The lunch lady then flung some mystery meat right in the chief's face. "Ow! AHH! It's eating my face, how can meat eat my face!".
"It's slightly underdone", said the lunch lady as she picked up the gray and the gold spatula, "And you just got served!".
The lunch lady knocked the chief down and beat him with two spatulas, while the meat was attacking him in places meat shouldn't attack you.
Meanwhile, Poor Man was still waiting, patiently. He whistled Steamboat Willie, and played with his thumbs. "Hm, didn't I used to say Oh Spoiled Turnips? Oh well, I'll force it in the next episode, what is it now?".
A cat then popped out the trash can and Poor Man fell on a pile of liquid. "God! I hope this is rain!".
At the kitchen, the chief got rid of the meat, and he was laying on the safe. The lunch lady lifted up the gold spatula and was about the strike the chief, but then the chief ducked his head to the left and put a hole in the safe. He then grabbed the recipe and got out of the cafeteria, but not before locking the doors. "Ya-hoo! Now to get a sneak preview. Might as well, we went through all this trouble, and it did attack me like a rabid badger"
He opened the bottle and read the note, and his eyes lit up like, well, like a zebra seeing what the chief just saw.
Poor Man sat in the unidentified liquid in the empty lot. "Well, I got two black eyes, it can't get any worse".
The chief then ran towards Poor Man and knocked him three feet back. "Ow! What was that for!?".
"Humans, you all are poopy heads, carnivorous, heartless, vicious, and blood thirsty doo doo heads! Poor Man, human, you cool? You bad? No, you are not, because you are a human. Here's your stupid recipe, give us the prize!".
"Ok", said Poor Man.
He reached inside his pocket, and gave the chief twenty five cents. "GRAAAHHHH!", shouted the chief, "C'mon boys, let us go into deep phycology!".
"Boss, at least you can buy a gum ball".
"Shut up Isaac!".
The zebra gangsters stormed away, so Poor Man decided to look at the recipe, and stopped dead. "My god! This is the most horrible realization I've ever had!".
"Ok! Ok!", shouted Poor Man, "Who is that voice, can somebody tell me, can somebody please, tell me? Am I crazy!? Some day! This is not worth a gum ball! I wish I was dumb enough to not notice, but I'm not! Nyah!".
Some ending isn't it. Oh, and if you're wondering what's the mystery meat, well, let's just say the chief knew Poor Man's lunch.
Skip the subtle nature, it's horse meat!